Monday, June 1, 2015

On the rise overtime

Its been far far too long since I've written, which is a habit I will cut.
It has been almost a year since I started my treatment of TMS and 8 months since I finished.

I gave my first talk about the treatment, which I will be posting soon.

I want to share with everyone how positive this experience has been.  I feel so happy and fulfilled. And nothing has changed.

    At the moment,   I just left my job.
                                I have very few friends in the area
                                I no longer have my brother in my house, who I miss greatly
                                My father, and core of my life, is no longer here
                                I still have yet to finish my degree

And I feel fine. I finally don't feel depressed.

I've had bad days. But that finally feel normal.
Everyone has bad days.
Chronically depressed people have bad months.
Normally, my depressive episodes were about 3 weeks to 3 months.
The most I've struggled is at night time. Mostly the thoughts are related to my father.
I feel sad and sometimes I feel angry at the situation. which is normal.

I have found myself again. Something I haven't known in years.

When you have depression for so long, you lose sight of yourself.

The question of "what is my personality and what is my depression?" has been in my head since I was a young child. 

I have found my humor again and it gets my through my sense of being alone.
I am making decisions faster.
I am enjoying social interactions.
I am enjoying dressing my body.
I am enjoying my quirks as much as I can .

My next step is to find a good therapist maybe.
I haven't been to talk therapy in a while, and although I don't feel depressed,  I feel like I have the chance to grieve in a healthy manner.

1 comment:

  1. Grieving in a healthy manner is indeed possible. It allows another angle, a more positive one the grieving people can look into. Glad to see you starting to find energy and joy again. But do take it slow, and ruminate on things carefully. I hope your treatment is going well. I wish you luck!

    Sabra Hoffmann @ StarkBehavioralHealth