A little over a week ago I have a follow up with my doctor out of New England Center for Mental Health.
I was very happy to hear that about 4-6 patients have applied for the TMS program there, so congrats and good luck to those individuals.
I also made the decision along with my doctor to see how I reacted to coming off one of my medications since my depression has been in remission for about 8 months now.
When I gave my talk about my experience with depression and TMS to about 30 people, I opened the floor to any questions.
One of the best few questions I got were about medications.
Someone asked me if I hadn't yet gone off medications out of fear.
My response was no, but it did make me think.
Weeks later I still think my honest answer was no,
but I understood the need behind the question.
My goal for TMS was never to be unmedicated.
My goal in my depression will never be to be unmedicated.
Medications improved my thought process and I will always advocate for them to be tried.
That being said I'm curious to how I will feel if I was to come off medications, and rely on TMS and talk therapy as my only treatments.
So far I've been 10 days at half dose, and will continue another 4 days of this before stopping completely.
I was surprised and a little disappointed to find that I felt quite anxious at about day 3, and felt this edge for about 4 days.
The good news is that I felt that anxiety reduce over the past few days.
I will wait about a full week after having no medication in my system to fully gauge how I feel.
Anyone who has been on and off medication knows how hard and intimidating this process can be. Especially for people who are prone to anxiety.
My plan is to stay calm and observant. And emotionally detached from the result.
I think it's important to not feel that being unmediated is the positive result.
If it works lovely, if not, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Thats the idea anyway.