Saturday, October 11, 2014

the light

I've been working so much that I have started neglecting my blog. I'm sorry blog.
First, a TMS update:
   I have successfully completed my core treatments and have started my tapper treatments. This means last week, instead of going everyday, I had 3 treatments last week, and next week I will have 2
     Then I will be finished. 

   It has been 3 days since my last treatment.
   Today I woke up and felt amazing.
   I went to work, and I felt amazing.
   I couldn't stop smiling.
   I couldn't stop saying "I feel fucking awesome"

And this is the silver lining of depression.

          That I can have days that I use the word "amazing", "awesome", even euphoric, to                    describe my mood. To describe my spirit. 
    and to have this happen when nothing super special happens to put that irreversible smile     on my face. 
to have this happen purely self generated. 

See, when depression takes over, the sadness is self generated. Nothing has to be "wrong" for you to feel so wrong. 

When you spend so long with that burden, you appreciate the happiness ten fold. 
Not even do you appreciate happiness, but you appreciate not feeling sad. 
And feeling not sad can become pure, amazing happiness. 

It is honestly a beautiful thing. 

and I feel fucking amazing.

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