Tuesday, September 9, 2014

waves.

Today was my thirteenth treatment.  I have to say, today was the best I've felt through this whole experience. Which is weird, because today was a little more painful than yesterday.

I also got my first real proof  that TMS is doing something. This might be too much information for some, but I thought it was an interesting marker. Usually a week before my period I feel extremely irritable, (yes, hold any stereotypical comments) which I actually use as my marker for my cycle timing. 
This week I didn't even realize where my cycle was, because my mood was so good. 
What a nice break. For me and the rest of the world. 

So an elderly woman asked me about my tattoo at work today. 
We started talking and ended up sharing a bunch of wonderful memories.
Which brought me to the ocean again. 

I remember writing about this shortly after my cousin was killed in a tragic, freak accident. 
Those thoughts all came back today.  This is what I thought.

People say "it comes in waves" and that is exactly what it's like. 

Sometimes it hits like a strong wave. Those waves that knock you off your center and pushes you under forcefully and you come up feeling stunned but it passes at fast as it hit.
Sometimes its many waves. When one takes you under, the next one sweeps over your head before you can come up for air and you get lost in the weight of the water for a while. Completely engulfed. 
 Sometimes it's smaller. Like when you stand on the shore of a beach. The waves come up and wrap around your feet. Its cold. When the water retreats you feel the earth slowly pull from under your feet. And you wonder if you will keep sinking gradually if you keep letting the water pull. 
The last one is what it usually feels like to me when I think of my dad. Like my world will just keep being pulled right from under my feet. 
But today was different. Today it was like just looking over the ocean. Reminiscing with this woman was like standing on the sand looking at a beautiful scene. What we saw was only positive and wonderful.
It was a nice gift.  
 
 
 
 

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