Tuesday, September 2, 2014

TMS update

today was great.
my sneaky doctor bumped my magnets up to 115 last thursday
she told me today, so I've officially made it three treatments at 115 without even noticing an increase in pain.
The pain is still present during the pulses, but the headache is much less afterwards.

then I went to work.  I felt very good.  Like my good, happy inner child.

I was enjoying talking with customers and trying to make people laugh.
even though it was very slow my mood was so high. it felt good.

I use my humor so much as a defense mechanism I think. I've been thinking about Robin Williams and his suicide. Also how my father was so dedicated to making people laugh, even as he struggled so much with depression. 
I remember when we found out about my brother cancer diagnosis shortly after my dad passed from cancer, all we could do was laugh about how ridiculous it was. 
And that was an honest reaction.
I think the deeper you feel sorrow, the easier you can feel joy. 
Which then brought me to a quote from the Prophet:


The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. ...      When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.       When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.




good night all. up early again tomorrow for TMS number 9.

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