Saturday, September 6, 2014

the end of week two

Officially done with the second full 5 day treatment. And these 5 days were all at the maximum! 

I had a horrible night at work last night. I was left alone to cover 3 departments and about 20 costumers. 
It was the 5th.  
It marked the 8 month anniversary of my father's passing. 
It marked the 3 months from of my brother's first chemo session
and it was the day of my mother's second surgery for melanoma. 

I wanted to be home with my family. Eating my dad's cooking. Throwing balled up napkins into my brother's cup. Reminiscing about midnight swims. Popcorn.

Then I thought about where and what I was last year. 

If anyone had told me at that time that those were all the thoughts that would be wondering my head while I was at work, 
                                   I would have thought there was no way on earth I would last. 

  But I did my job. I treated my costumers as well as I could. I called my manager and defended myself. I panicked a little. I got to my car and I cried. I called a friend. By the time I got home I was laughing with him and I felt better.
I apologized to my manager this morning for losing my calm and he was very understanding.

I think the best thing I have learned has been about self limitations. 
I have a better knowledge about what I can and can't do,
                more confidence with what I can and more realism about what I can't
I have learned when I need reach out
                when to defend myself and when its okay to vent or cry.

oh man, my brain.

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