Sunday, September 14, 2014

Finding the positives.

sorry it's been a while since my last post. the schedule of TMS and work has gotten slightly overwhelming.
I am almost officially half way done with the treatments. I have noticed the pain will vary a little bit from day to day, but overall it is still very tolerable.

On Thursday I experienced my first "down day", as my dad and I used to call it. Those days when you wake up and feel like the sleep you just woke from didn't actually reach your body. Just one of those days of depression.
I thought to myself that it was a good sign that I was able to recognize that mood as being different from the past few weeks. If that mood seems different, that is a very good sign.
Usually it is my constant state.

Last night I had an awesome time hanging out with my brother and some of his friends. I laughed more than I have months. Today I felt really sad about it. It was just like being with my dad and my brother again. It was just constant laughter with us three.
I miss that feeling more than anything.
Its hard losing my father from my life, but its also been hard losing my brother from my house. I really miss laughing like that. It is so joyous.
However, I am really trying to push myself to see positives.

I have learned now that those types of nights of laughter have not disappeared along with my father's presence. There were so many times when my thoughts were convinced that my life would be nothing but sadness without him.
That my light would be gone.

It may be less frequent, but it is not impossible.


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