Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The moment of realization

So it's been 7 months since my father passed away. It's been 7 months since I've done anything. I stopped doing my school work, I stopped running, I stopped working. The only thing I really started was sleeping.
  It wasn't that I was too tired or too depressed. I honestly felt okay. It was like I WANTED to do nothing. I couldn't quite figure this out. 

  Well a few days ago I had a job interview and got hired on the spot. When I got home I had this sick feeling of anxiety, and I felt like crying about my father. I was so confused at to why now, 7 months later, right after a great day, feel like i can barely keep from crying that he's gone?

      Then it hit me.  Really hard.

I had been trying so hard to not do anything because I didn't want to accept any of it. I wanted it to not be real. It didn't matter if I didn't do my school work, or not have a job or anything because it was all just a dream that I would eventually wake up from. 

     All of a sudden, its like I snapped out of this fog that was over me. 
This is all real. This is my life now. This is my life, and he is no longer in it. 

So where do I go from here?

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